So I have seen multiple videos on the ole Tik Tok about how men don't express their feelings and why. So I decided to do some research and I realized… I think like a dude apparently. What I have gathered is men don't express their feelings to women because the women tend to use that against them. For example, a guy tells a girl he's upset for whatever reason and instead of listening to him she somehow makes it about her. She will also take that vulnerability and store it away for a future date so she can use it against him in an argument or just to hurt him. As fucked up as that is, I can relate to the guys SO much. I tend to not tell people what's really going on with me because somehow it turns into a “they problem”, not a “me problem.” Let's dive in shall we.
Listen, I am the type of person who wants to get to know you. I'm not about superficial interactions and I loathe small talk, like absolutely hate it. I avoid it at all costs in social situations and in everyday life. I think this is why I have issues with dating but that's a topic for another time. Many people don't like sharing too much with others for many different reasons. I choose what to share because honestly you can't handle what's going on in my head and you'd probably run if you knew. So, when people ask “how are you? '' I tend to just say good or fine. It's not worth the explanation because most people lose interest or really don't care; they are just asking to be nice. Me on the other hand, I don't do anything unless I mean it. If I ask you how your day is or how you are, I want to know. I also have empath tendencies and I can pick up pretty quickly if something is wrong, often before you even realize it. So how does all this tie into the way men express themselves…well let me tell you.
We have all heard the phrase “emotionally unavailable” while talking about men. There have been many interpretations of what this actually means and how it shows up in a guy. In my opinion it means that the guy has the ability to express their feelings and emotions but does not in fear of how it's interpreted. So, when I saw all these videos of men saying that they don't say what's on their mind in fear of the women twisting it and making it about them my brain was confused. The toxicity of women in this world is unbearable. Who would do this to a person? I guess I have a soul and a conscience and would never EVER do this to a person let alone a guy. It's so rude and disrespectful in my opinion and I couldn't figure out why I was so upset and disgusted with this. Then it hit me… people do this to me daily. I am so conditioned to not express my true feelings to people because I'm usually cut off mid-sentence or they lose interest immediately. BUT… I am expected to sit there and listen to all of their problems and offer advice. I'm sorry but who said your problems are any worse than mine? How did a conversation about me quickly turn into a conversation about you?! Please explain……guess what they can’t because the moment you start to say something in your defense, YOU'RE the problem. Again, I ask…HOW?! I'm so sick of me being expected to listen to people's problems when they offer nothing in return. So, I have learned to ask questions based on how much information I want back. I work at a studio and greet people all day long. I base what greeting I ask on how much I want to listen to the answer. I can also quickly pick up on when a client is having a day and I make sure to ask how they are and when they say fine…I ask, “you sure?” With that I know, and I am prepared for a lengthy answer. Those times I don't expect anything in return and most often dish out a hug after.
In conclusion… my brain is more like a dudes than I thought. I refrain from sharing my emotions and internalize many things. I deal with them on my own and on my own time. I will however say get you a person. I have one (well 2 main ones) that will literally drop everything and listen to me with no judgment and REALLY listen. Find you one of those types of people. They are your saving grace in this world. My words of advice is to just be yourself, be present, be open minded and for fucks sake be empathetic (especially to the men in your life.) It goes a long way to just listen but take it a step further and comprehend what they are saying to you. Anyone can listen to you but not everyone hears you.
For those of us who tend to turn into people's emotional punching bag, set boundaries. You can easily tell people you are not available for their shit today unless they are available for yours. For all the men out there who keep their emotions on lockdown, hang in there… not all women are toxic gaslighting bitches. Some of us truly do care and when you find one of us, DON’T let us go because we are fucking unicorns 🙂
