Just a comment…
My whole life I have been the brunt of jokes, people’s anger, people projecting and basically everyone else’s problems. I try to explain to people that I always get comments from people. It is really hard to explain because I don’t take offense to it because I know where these comments are coming from. It’s not from a place of anger or hostility but rather a place of vulnerability. I have come to the conclusion I get these comments from people (mainly women) because I have created a safe space so to speak. I don’t judge… I don’t lead with hostility, and I think others can feel that. That is unless you come at me with those vibes and in that case watch out.
So what do I mean when I say “comments” …well I mean things like…
“Where do women that look like us go for pants?”
“It’s good you don’t care what people think or say about you”
“You can really pull off the “messy” bun look, I could never let myself look like that”
“You must really not care what you look like”
“I could never say whats on my mind like you do”
“You must have a hard time finding bras that fit you” or pants… or shirts… or clothes…
“Oh, I’m surprised you eat that way” once I tell them I eat a pretty clean and restricted diet due to chronic gut issues
or my favorite
“I don’t understand how you are single, you’re actually a nice person”
Now let me say that these comments aren’t snarky in any way. They don’t have a mean undertone… they are literally just comments I get daily. I do not take offense to any of it. I know that the people saying these don’t mean to be rude and have no idea that it comes off that way, I think they are just trying to relate. I know this because I have started addressing them. I have actually let the person finish and then I say “hey I know you meant nothing by what you just said and I am a confident person BUT to the wrong person this could be seen as rude and condescending” I can literally see the embarrassment on their faces and then they apologize profusely.
I say this to make a point. Not everyone is an asshole. Not everyone’s tone is meant to be rude. Most people have no idea how they come off when they are saying things… myself included. I have spent my whole life being the one people poke fun at, whether it be my weight or my appearance or my personality. I have a pretty thick skin when it comes to that but if someone says something that you don’t like… address it. Don’t be combative or rude just say something because chances are that person is projecting their insecurities or just looking to relate. Coming from someone who tries really REALLY hard to see the good in people, just be kind and understanding. Unless they are complete assholes, then act accordingly. :)